This is the story of my assault, and the birth of my son, and how they are one in the same. On August 25th, 2017, I started having contractions at thirty-nine weeks and four days. My gestation was a healthy and uncomplicated pregnancy. I was timing my contractions, and by early afternoon, I knew it was baby time. We threw our hospital bags into the van and headed to the hospital. Within an hour of our arrival, they determined I was actively contracting and dilating, so I was admitted. I got in my labor room shortly after 4:00 pm. Even Continue reading →
When I considered writing this piece I had no clue where to start. I mean, how do you sum up the last eighteen years into a few pages? Well, I can’t. What I can do is tell you how it feels to be a mom of a child who was diagnosed with Asperger’s Syndrome Disorder (ASD). There have been many set-backs, challenges, opportunities, wondrously momentous occasions, milestones in development, as well as a love that exceeds all parental expectations. This journey has been one of the most prolific in my life. My daughter has been an influential person, shaping the Continue reading →
For as long as I can remember I have always loved taking pictures. I received my first point and shoot film camera at the age of five. The camera had a flash that attached separately. When I got that camera for my birthday, I immediately started to take pictures of everything, our family dog, my younger brothers, my parents, things in my bedroom, even my friends playing outside. My passion for photography came from my dad, who got it from his dad.
I would say that it seems as though I have come from a long line of photographers. My Continue reading →
My kids have another week left of school and I am beyond ready. I’m so over making lunches, tracking permission slips, arguing about closed-toe shoes, and dragging my angsty tween out of bed way too early. I’m ready for leisurely days and family bonding. I still work over the summer, so my vision of the break is a bit more halcyon than my husband’s, who’s staring down seventy-five days of trying to keep the heathens from destroying the village. We’ve come to learn that a good plan is the key to a successful summer. Continue reading →
Each night, I lie on the floor of your room, arms stretched out to hold one of each of your hands while you fall asleep. I lie awake listening to the sounds of your soft breathing, and think of all the ways I screwed up that day.
I got angry and yelled because, you spilled water on the floor.
I snapped at you because, you took too long to get into your car seat.
I didn’t have the energy to make dinner, so we had fast food again.
Sitting in the bleachers, watching families filter in with balloons, leis, and flowers, among other gifts, was seemingly overwhelming. What it must feel like to be their children, or to be a part of their family. Families that go all out for the milestones in life always have me wondering where I am going wrong. Watching families share in their excitement for this moment, was like sitting in the movie theater watching a plot unfold. How must I look sitting shoulder to shoulder with these parents? Perhaps, I am just overthinking this.
My fourth child, my baby, my youngest, was Continue reading →